How COVID came to be: a tall tale

Two men, a woman, and a horse sat in a room, planning to overthrow the government.

“If I run for President, I can try to use my power to find out the cracks in the government,” said the man without the British Accent.

“That’s bloody nonsense,” said the woman, who had a British accent, but I don’t have to use this to clarify which woman, seeing as there was only one.

“Running for president is a lot of work, a lot of time, and a lot of money. We could do better bribing the president with less money than the campaign would take,” continued the woman whose British accent did not matter.

“Who agrees with the bribe idea?”

“I,” said the man with the British accent.

“Nay,” said the horse.

“Well, we’re not going to do it unless it’s unanimous,” said the woman whose accent is not something I am going to clarify anymore, “so are there any other ideas?”

“I have an idea,” said the man with the British accent.

“What if, hear me out, we get the president’s son on our side, then assassinate the president so the president’s son is in office.”

“That’s not how presidents work! You Brits and your stupid monarchies.”

“Well, George Bush was elected. So were John Quincy Adams and Franklin Delenor Roosevelt. It could work. All in favor?”

“I,” said the woman who had an accent, because everyone does, but hers did not matter.

“Nay,” said the horse.

“Fine,” said the man with the British accent. “Horse, do you have anything to say?”

“Hee-haw,” said the horse, who was now a donkey for reasons they couldn’t explain. Sometimes that’s just how life is.

“A truly moving statement,” the man with the British accent said, “but it won’t be helpful in overthrowing the government.”

The donkey who used to be a horse shrugged.

The woman whose accent doesn’t matter cleared her throat.

“I have an idea. What if, we created a deadly virus, right here in this barn, that would destroy the economy and leave it ripe for taking over. All in favor?”

“I,” said the men.

“I,” said the bat who used to be a donkey who used to be a horse who used to be a dragon, though that part of the bat who used to be a donkey who used to be a horse who used to be a dragon’s life is not important right now.

And that, children, is why mommy and daddy were wearing masks in that picture on our wall.